


Rest

by LiraelClayr007



Series: NaPoWriMo 2020 [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Giving Up, M/M, Poetry, bad timing, but finding comfort in each other?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-23 01:43:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiraelClayr007/pseuds/LiraelClayr007
Summary: It’s getting worse, Cas.Every day…it’s harderto get up in the morning.Harder to go through the doorand into the world.You should tryforgettingsometime.Cas grins lazily,knowing it’ll come throughin his voice.You’d be amazedhow much it helps.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: NaPoWriMo 2020 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686106
Comments: 7
Kudos: 5





	Rest

A sliver of moonlight–  
the only light  
in the room–  
cuts across the dull grey  
blanket. Dean’s head  
is on Cas’s chest,  
Cas’s hands tucked behind  
his own head. It’s not  
cuddling, what they’re doing.  
They exist  
in the same space,  
but Cas is never sure  
if they’re actually  
close.

_You seem tense. This–_  
Cas gestures at  
the two of them–  
_starting to bore you?_  
He tries to sound  
flippant.

Dean doesn’t answer  
at first, but Cas  
can feel him trying to even  
his breath, trying to let go of  
something.  
He longs to card his fingers  
through Dean’s hair,  
to pull him close enough to  
feel their hearts  
beat against each other.  
Instead he forces himself  
to grip his own hair,  
to keep his hands in place.

_It’s getting worse, Cas._  
_Every day…_  
_it’s harder_  
_to get up in the morning._  
_Harder to go through the door_  
_and into the world._

_You should try_  
_forgetting_  
_sometime._ Cas grins lazily,  
knowing it’ll come through  
in his voice. _You’d be amazed_  
_how much it helps._

Dean’s growl sounds something like _Cas._  
It also sounds something like a warning.

Cas flips a hand in the air.  
_I know, I know. You won’t_  
_pollute your body the way_  
_I do. Although I daresay you_  
_wouldn’t say no if I came across_  
_a good bottle of whiskey._

He almost laughs  
at the way Dean perks up  
at this. They haven’t seen  
whiskey in almost a year.

_There are other ways to forget…_  
Cas lets his words trail off  
suggestively.

Dean snorts.

Cas sighs, loud and  
melodramatic.  
_Just offering my “services”_  
_more than once a week._  
_If you want._  
_I mean, I do have more_  
_free time than just_  
_Thursday nights._  
And you could  
stay all night,  
he doesn’t say.

The cabin falls to silence,  
the only sound Cas’s slow,  
even breaths and Dean’s  
somewhat ragged ones.  
Not for the first time  
Cas wishes he still had his  
grace; he’d use it to ease  
whatever pain weighs on  
Dean. Or he’d try, anyway.  
It’s not so easy, healing pain  
to the heart and soul.

_We’re not going to win this time._

Dean’s voice is soft in the hush  
of the night, but his words fall like  
hailstones from a leaden sky.  
He curls into Cas, almost  
clutching at him,  
and Cas takes this as an  
invitation; his arms around Dean  
feel so good but also somehow  
awkward and  
ashamed.  
A small voice  
in the back of his head  
chides him for taking advantage  
of Dean’s emotional breakdown,  
but he pushes it aside.

He deserves a scrap of happiness.

Doesn’t he?

_No,_ the voice says.  
_You don’t._  
_But you’ll take it anyway._

_What if Sam’s still in there somewhere?_  
_Can I sacrifice my brother_  
_to save the world? And will killing_  
_Lucifer even save the world anymore?_  
_I think it’s over, Cas. I think we’re just_  
_waiting_  
_for the end._

_Maybe,_ Cas says,  
his voice much too calm  
for the turmoil inside him.  
_But maybe, if you’re lucky,_  
_there’ll be some peace_  
_when you’re done._  
_Maybe you’ll be able to_  
_rest._

Dean shudders,  
and after some confusion Cas  
realizes he’s crying. It’s been so long  
since he’s seen even unshed tears  
in the stoic hunter’s eyes.

Cas doesn’t speak, let’s his hands  
and arms convey what words  
never could.  
I’m here for you.  
I’ll do anything you ask.  
I still come when you call,  
even if I have to run instead of  
fly.

I love you.

Cas is awake long after Dean cries  
himself to sleep. He’s awash  
with too many human feeling:  
the profound pleasure of having Dean  
asleep in his arms, the weary ache  
Dean feels echoed in his own soul,  
and the strange floating feeling–  
almost like flying–  
from realizing he’s painfully,  
deeply in love  
with Dean Winchester.

**Author's Note:**

> NaPoWriMo Day 18
> 
> prompt: dean x cas and peace when you are done
> 
> Oh, please don't hate me for this one. I took what could have been a happy ending kind of prompt and turned it into endverse angst. *hides*
> 
> BUT...let me take this moment to thank you all for reading my poems, for leaving kudos and comments and just being there to brighten these difficult days. I'm still going to work every day, and what used to be a job with zero stress (working in the deli of a large grocery store) is now scary sometimes beyond reason. But when I check my email on my breaks and see ao3 comment emails, when I log on and see the kudos grow, it truly makes my heart lighter and makes it easier to go back to work. I adore every one of you. THANK YOU. *blows safe, socially distant kisses*


End file.
